Feeling
by Snow Tigra
Summary: It’s the house at the end of the block that’s been there forever. It’s the house they say the teenagers around town disappear into and never come back from. And it’s the house Mello couldn’t get out of his mind and finally wandered into… AU, Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Title: Feeling  
Author: Snow Tigra  
Fandom: Death Note  
Pairings (expected at this time, this may change): Mello/Matt, L/Light, Matt/Near, Mello/Near and possibly more  
Warnings: YAOI, that should be obvious. But this is also an AU story that doesn't follow the events of Death Note. Spoilers for L's real name.  
Summary: It's the house at the end of the block that's been there forever. It's the house they say the teenagers around town disappear into and never come back from. And it's the house Mello couldn't get out of his mind and finally wandered into... 

Teaser

Lack of sound woke him up and old tired eyes from a mismatched body opened to look around the room. For a moment he expected the familiar in the form of a non-descript bed, grey walls and a floor carpeted in an equally nondescript color. He expected to hear sounds from the floors above, warmth emanating from the ceiling and mirrors reflecting dark images to make up for the lack of windows. What he received, instead, was complete silence from an apartment which was smartly furnished in modern sharp edged shapes and a deep burgundy carpet that buried one's toes in its softness. He could still remember how he'd spent a couple days just laying on the carpet itself, enjoying the feel of the softness under his body.

Sitting up in the bed, Lawliet stretched his body and buried his toes in that same carpet. A rare smile crossed his thin lips as he tilted his head, not used to the expression. He actually found he was enjoying the quiet from the room, the halls and the neighbors beyond the walls. For once in his life he didn't hear voices, emotions, thoughts, feelings... it was just a splendid quiet that made him feel hollow and empty but at the same time made him feel unshackled.

He felt human in the silence and it was a wonderful feeling.

Bare feet carried him from the bedroom, loose jeans and a shirt that didn't belong to him hung off his body comfortably as he wandered into the living room, his eyes sweeping over the wall mounted TV, the perfectly arranged thick leather bound volumes speaking of laws and proceedings. The leather couch was almost as comfortable as the carpet, though he preferred the carpet, he still enjoyed the sinking feeling of the cushions and how his thin body just seemed like it could disappear into the couch itself, given enough time. His long fingers passed over the fabric now and he smiled a bit again, remembering curling up against Light to just enjoy the feeling.

He loved enjoying feelings again.

His mind wandered to Light and he looked up, seeing the dim lamp light from the office across the apartment, visible through the bottom of the closed door. Lawliet walked a little faster, moving to the door and pressing it open. He knew Light stayed up late at night to read his books and work on cases for his job, but he also knew that he wouldn't mind being disturbed for just a moment. Besides, Lawliet just wanted to see him for a moment, the expression on his face, and then he'd go back to sleep. His needs and wants were very simple since he'd come here a week ago.

Opening the door revealed an equally modern and tasteful office with a real wooden desk that matched the shelves surrounding it. A pristine quality laptop sat open on the desk, it's lights blinking as it processed one thing or another. And as always, Light was sitting at the desk, pouring over a thick leather bound book, highlighter in hand and laptop positioned for quick typing when needed. Small reading glasses perched on his nose, making the words clearer and thoughts flow easier through his mind.

But something was off on this night and Lawliet didn't like how even the computer was quiet. Stepping into the room he found the screen was black and the small green button had turned to orange, showing that the computer had gone into a sleeping mode a while ago. Then there was also the troubling fact that when Lawliet entered the room, Light hadn't responded. Even if he was deep in his work, he usually stirred and gave Lawliet at least a nod of acknowledgement.

But not today.

Lawliet shifted from foot to foot and stepped closer to the desk, his toes curling tentatively in the carpet. He brushed his fingers against Light's shoulder, but still received no response.

"Yagami?" Lawliet spoke the man's last name out of habit, liking the sound of how it rolled off his tongue much better then the simple name 'Light'. He received no answer or movement.

Panic moved through his body, a new sensation he wasn't used to in any way. For the first moment he froze, shaking from the emotion, then he reacted and moved forward, grabbing onto Light's shoulder. Without a though he jerked the man back so he was no longer leaning over the desk , sending the highlighter and large book crashing to the floor with a sharp snap and thump. Light landed back in the chair, limbs flopping like a doll to land at his sides and not move.

Lawliet stared at his face, his own twisting in pain as he saw the expression there.

There was no expression. Eyes, mouth and face were completely blank, slack without any thought or emotion passing through. The normally dark brown of his eyes was faded, covered with an all too familiar grey mist and his skin was pale, dried out, as if he'd been completely drained.

Lawliet looked down at the man sadly, his own face a war of the new emotions he wasn't used to feeling on his own. For moments he remembered the smiles, the frowns and the determination that had alternately passed over that face. The very expressions he'd fallen in love with and the feelings that had passed with them. But now there was nothing, and he finally understood why the complete and utter silence in the apartment had disturbed him so completely. He had woken up to the feeling of Light dying and being drained to nothing.

And he'd done it. He was responsible.

Lawliet slipped down to the soft carpet, laying his face down in it near Light's slippered feet. Laying there he simply cried.

He cried for Light, for his own stupidity and for the fact that he knew this would happened. He knew leaving would kill him. He'd even told Light this would happen... but that didn't make the inevitable truth any easier to bear. It just made it all that more real.

Lawliet cried away all the emotions he'd ever allowed himself to feel and just let himself sink back into the familiar hollowness he'd become accustomed to. The one thing he kept, the most important thing, was Light Yagami's rare smile. The one thing the stiff seeming man had shared with him so easily. It was the single thing he allowed himself to keep as he banished all else from his mind.

Nearly a week after promising himself he'd never ever go back, Mello found himself in front of that same thick, old, oak door, opening it. He wanted to see that boy again and even with the promise he'd sworn to himself, he just couldn't help coming back.

Mello sighed softly and pressed the door open, stepping into the large house, not even giving a second thought to the world he'd just left.

And would probably never see again.


	2. Chapter 2

(Fic) Feeling - Chapter 1  
Title: Feeling  
Author: Snow Tigra  
Fandom: Death Note Pairings (expected at this time, this may change): Mello/Matt, L/Light, Matt/Near, Mello/Near and possibly more  
Warnings: YAOI, that should be obvious. But this is also an AU story that doesn't follow the events of Death Note. Summary:

Chapter 1

"Morning Matt! Matsuuuuuuda!"

The high pitched and cheerful voice of the teenage grocery delivery girl echoed into the house as Matt opened the door. True to her call, Matsuda, a younger but taller boy, scrawny and willowy in build stood behind Matt, jumping at her voice and blushing just a bit. Matt stepped aside as he took the clipboard from her and looked over the list. As he scanned the list of groceries being delivered, Matsuda followed the girl to the truck and opened the back, starting to unload the numerous bags.

Cereal. Milk. Fruit. Pasta. Sauce.

Matt leaned back against the house, flipping through the preprinted pages. Each page was a different section of the grocery store and he easily checked off what he knew they'd need in the next delivery, two weeks from now.

Chocolate bars. Matsuda had requested marshmallows and hot chocolate. Saya wanted jelly beans and pretzels.

Matt flipped the page and checked off the last of the boxes, finally reaching the signature space at the end. A long credit card number and the familiar name 'Quillish Wammy' were already printed automatically by the computer and all Matt had to do was sign the paper like every delivery and they'd receive groceries. He never had to bother with money or credit card numbers, because all that information was given to the store previously. They were on a retainer, always receiving groceries and it was just charged to their account. He remember originally thinking how cool it was to not worry about things like money and hunger. Now it was just common and expected.

Matt signed the space next to the highlighted 'X' and capped the pen. He crossed the well kept yard and placed the clipboard in the front seat of the van by reaching through the open driver's side window. Misa Amane's ID card was attached to the dashboard with an old piece of gum while numerous kiddy cell phone charms hung from the rearview mirror and when Matt tapped it with his finger they sparkled in the early morning sunlight. A pink pillow sat on the driver's side seat, the face of some famous pop star by the name of Rem nearly worn into a blurry white blob from the constant use and driving. Matt's eyes traveled over the driver's area as he waited for Misa to come back from carrying the bags in.

Besides, he told himself, Matsuda wanted time with her to himself.

Matt smiled just a little and closed his eyes, waiting and enjoying the sunlight on his face as he leaned back against the white and monogram covered van.

The yard was well kept, taken care of by a hired landscaping company, who's monthly bills he signed just like the grocery bill. Electricity, water, gas, television... all the utilities in the house were automatically billed to some account under the same name and never really passed through Matt's hands. The only reason the groceries and the yard did was so he could mark any changes they wanted. Other then that, the upkeep of nearly everything seemed self handling, never causing Matt to even really blink or think about it.

Once, back when he'd first come to this place, he'd been annoyed by the control and order of the place. Everything was taken care of and, being a normal teenage boy, he'd rebelled and used things to his advantage. He remembered one year signing the papers to have them build an elaborate water-sandbox creation in the back yard just to see if the extra expense would cause an uproar. Instead Matsuda had smiled and given him a discrete thumbs up and the quiet Saya had actually smiled. Now Saya used it as a place for her sketches and no one even thought twice about it.

Matt had grown up since then, and now accepted the responsibility of signing the papers when needed and keeping track of food when they were running low. Now he was comfortable with the control and content with the order. It all just felt right and it was part of the reason he liked this place so much.

Leaving, even when he was rebellious, had never crossed his mind.

Cigarette smoke met his nose and Matt opened his eyes to glance across the line to the gate surrounding the property. Leaning against the painted white metal was a boy a little taller then himself, but not nearly Matsuda's height. His body was decked in black leather, from his pants to his vest to the light jacket he wore hanging from one shoulder. Nearly unlaced army boots covered his feet and blond hair that barely reached his shoulders shaded his face from view as he smoked a cigarette in silence.

Matt wasn't surprised to see the boy there, in fact, he expected it. Not that boy in particular, but teenagers in general randomly showed up at this house, occasionally gaining the confidence to wander inside and look around. Then they would stay the night. In the morning they'd decide to live there and that was that.

Over the years he'd been at this place, he'd seen quite a few teens come in. Only one or two ever left.

"All done!" Misa came bounding out of the house and jumped up to catch the rope on the back of the van and pull the door shut. She landed with a little twirl that rustled the plaid skirt under her typical black apron her job required her to wear. Popping her gum she turned and waved to Matsuda. "See you in two weeks, cutey!"

Matt didn't have to look back to know that Matsuda was blushing and coughing to hide it.

"So we got a new list for next time." Misa opened her door and glanced over the newly checked list, then leaned over and smiled at Matt. "So when do I get to meet this rich rich uncle of yours?"

Matt shrugged like he did every time.

Misa pouted, then gave a shrug herself. "All right! See you in two weeks." She jumped up into the car and turned the keys, loud and bubbly pop music jumping out of the speakers like it'd just been jolted from sleep. Matt stepped back and watched the car drive off, the gates closing automatically behind it. His eyes wandered to the gate and he found the blond boy smirking at him as he dropped his cigarette and crushed it on the side walk. Matt only returned the gaze for a moment, then turned and went into the house, closing the door.

He didn't have to react, he knew he'd see the blond boy again.

"What do you think of her?"

Matt looked up from where he was putting away thing in the cupboard to Matusda. The younger, thinner boy was seated in front of the fridge, attempting to solve the weekly problem of trying to fit enough food for six people on a measly four shelves. Maybe he should have requested a second fridge┘

"Come on, Matt, about Misa? I mean, you've known her longer."

"Ordering groceries hardly qualifies as knowing someone."

"Yeah, I know. But you get what I mean. I mean you've talked to her, you've seen her more... you have more of a chance with her." Matsuda tossed the apples bag he was holding into the fridge and just sat there, masking his depression with pretending to find space on the shelves. Matt glanced over at him for a moment, then mentally crossed the second fridge off his list. Matsuda liked being able to do things where he didn't have to face people. One fridge in the house for six people allowed him plenty of time to regain his composure and sanity.

Matt closed the last cupboard and folded the last bag, tucking it with the others under the sink. He didn't say anything to disturb Matsuda's thoughts and really didn't do much else. He could hear the tv on in the living room, one of their housemates watching tv, and upstairs there was light steps and movement. The place was easily large enough to lose six people. But then, Matt didn't really pay attention to the others, he liked to keep to himself.

"Where's the number to the grocery store? I want to call and talk to her."

Matt smiled at Matsuda's uncharacteristic burst of braveness and slid the receipt over to him. He watched as Matsuda stood up and took it, walking over toward the phone.

Halfway, during midstep, Matsuda stopped. His back was to Matt, so he couldn't see the expression on his face, but he recognized the signs. The grocery receipt slipped to the floor, sliding out of his hand and Matsuda half turned, leaving Matt alone in the kitchen as the piece of paper slowly floated to the floor. Matsuda even closed the door behind him, silently shutting Matt in as if he'd forgotten he was in the room.

Matt turned to regard the familiar shape now standing in the doorway to the basement.

He was short. Smaller then most boys who appeared to be the same age, he had a habit of hunching over just enough to look like a child, or something not quite human but damn close. White hair that was baby soft grew unevenly off his head, curling around his ears and his golden tinted eyes. Over his thin frame he wore a simple set of white pajamas, almost large enough for him to drown in.

"You didn't have to do that to him."

The boy walked up to Matt, his hand reaching up in some mocking fashion, like a child asking for candy. Matt shivered and found himself kneeling before the boy, so now the boy was taller then him, even when he was hunched.

"He wasn't going to leave."

"He wasn't really going to call, so what does it matter?" His voice was quiet, but not nearly as young as his body. There was an oldness and a hint of a scratch in his voice, as if something were out of place. Matt's vision blurred at hearing the boy's voice and he let his eyes close a little, breathing in slowly.

"I was going to come down, I just finished putting everything away."

As quickly as it was there, the deep heady feeling was gone and Matt blinked, finding himself alone in the kitchen. The fridge was closed and the receipt was back on the counter, as if Matsuda had never picked it up. Above him he could still hear light steps and he now recognized it as Saya and Naomi in the bathroom, probably chatting while sharing their morning shower. The tv was playing some annoying cartoon and the door to the basement creaked ever so slightly, reminding Matt to not be more distracted then normal.

Picking himself up off the floor he opened the fridge and grabbed one of the apples. Matt walked into the living room and tossed it at the thin pale boy crouching on the couch, watching some animated show that had far too much color for anyone's good. The boy caught it and smirked, his eyes never seeming to leave the show.

"I'm going downstairs, Ryuk. Don't be a pest."

Ryuk rolled his eyes away from the tv to look at Matt with a snicker, then bit into his apple, the mischievous grin never leaving his face. "Don't worry, I only teased 'suda a little. He'll get over it." He took another bite to emphasize himself, looking back to the cartoon.

If he'd wanted more attention Matt didn't give it to him. Instead he went back into the kitchen and opened the worn door, stepping down the solid concrete stairs.

For all the well kept, cleanliness of the house, the basement was a different world entirely. Solid concrete stairs and thick, soundproof walls lined the area, with no windows or other doors in sight. Upon stepping down there stairs there was no light, and Matt had long since memorized the number of stairs to reach the bottom.

The large room below was the entire length and width of the house above, dotted with pillars that made sure the house didn't cave in on itself. Tiny toys of every age dotted the floor, while deep red light shone from all the light sockets, making it hard for one to see more then a couple feet in front of them. It made the room seem misty and endless in every direction, easy for someone to get lost in the blink of an eye.

Matt walked slowly, stepping around the toys as he crossed the room, soon coming up to a large bed that looked more like a gigantic pillow covered with smaller pillows of its own. Spread out across the back of the bed was a large ornate curtain, creating a wall that cut off the rest of the room. The curtain had always been there and it never moved whenever Matt came down here. He knew it wasn't just a wall ornament though, because sometimes - when the boy was touching him - he could hear someone behind the curtain breathing.

The young boy he'd seen in the kitchen was now sitting on the large pillow bed, his head tilted to one side as he waited patiently. He wore the same white pajamas that swallowed his entire body and looked completely out of place in the dim red lights and dark maroon sheets. Matt didn't smile or really react as he sat down on the edge of the bed, listening to the soft whispers of fabric behind him as the boy moved.

Small hands.

Small hands moved over Matt's shirt, beckoning him to take it off. Matt shivered and removed the shirt, dropping it to the floor and went back to sitting silently. Seconds passed before those same small hands began to slide over his skin, dancing over his thin body, tickling at the edge of his torn jeans. Matt swallowed and removed those as well, sitting naked in the bed.

That was when the real experience started.

It always started with a soft sound, like television static crackling just out barely in earshot and rolling toward him across the air. The crackling sound flowed through his ears and he felt his body growing numb, sliding back onto the bed and sinking deep into the covers. He could feel himself falling and nearly drowning in the roaring silence.

Hands moved across his body and Matt moaned, feeling the white haired boy slide on top of him. The boy wasted almost no time, moving down his body and pressing his legs apart. A long time ago, it seemed, Matt had been embarrassed by this and spent the time covering his face to hide his blush. By now he really should have been used to it, but he found his hands raising to his face and covering his mouth out of habit as he felt the boy's mouth wrap around him and begin moving quickly without any warning.

Matt tried, but couldn't resist the urge to scream into his hand as he felt those small hands scratch up and down his legs, touching him in all the right places with practiced ease. He found himself squirming under the smaller boy, not able to stop moving with him, trying to urge him to go even faster. As he moved and squirmed the static grew louder, nearly screaming into his ears until he couldn't even hear himself anymore. All he could hear was static and all he could fell was the boy's hands and mouth on him.

Matt screamed, feeling everything around him building and building until it could only spill and roll over him again. The static snapped out and his own scream echoed in his ears, accompanied by multiple moans of pleasure. He could hear a moan from behind the curtain and for a moment Matt craned his neck to try and see what was there and if it was moving, but the boy caught his cheek and made him face him.

Glowing gold eyes. Matt shuddered, feeling the heat in his body from the sex immediately freeze over. He hated those eyes. No matter how many years he'd lived in this house, and how many times he'd done this, he always hated those eyes. They were old, deep and completely disarming.

In spite of lying in the bed naked, Matt felt those eyes strip himself, tearing away the skin and years of life that encased who and what he was. He felt needles burrowing into his mind, causing him to bleed the long buried memories in his mind. Smiles, frowns, laughs and cries. Walking, tripping, falling, crying. Child hood hands grasping at brightly colored toys and familiar grown faces. Matt groaned loudly as he felt it all sliced over and exposed to see.

Those eyes reduced him to nothing, tearing him to shreds and lapping up every minute of it until he lay in the bed, trembling and whimpering from the experience. He was now very sure he was hearing labored breathing and moaning from behind the curtain, but he couldn't concentrate on it. All he could think about was how those eyes were slicing into him.

"Near stop... please," he whispered, his voice cracking in the strain and his eyes begging and pleading.

The young boy simply smirked and licked his lips, as if he could actually taste the memories he'd laid bare. He even licked off his fingers, as if the simple act of touching Matt's body was enough to drink the memories away.

Matt whimpered more at the sight and rolled away, curling up as his body trembled more. The room around him was spinning and his head began to spin with it, the memories flowing back into him like water down a drain. The sensation was nauseating, causing Matt to cough harshly and be very happy he hadn't eaten much before the grocery delivery of the day. Spinning and swirling they flooded back into his mind with a force that left him not able to do anything but experience it. His years and mind slammed shut over the memories, locking them away with an intensity that it left Matt's ears ringing and his body throbbing from the after sensations. He was barely able to whimper as he felt Near slide over to him and lightly kiss his lips.

"Still my favorite."

Matt didn't have the strength to stop the tear that escaped down his cheek in fear, and Near happily leaned forward, slowly licking it away. Matt could only lay there and tremble, consciousness ebbing away into darkness.

And somewhere in his mind something else closed, the fear fading away, leaving him with a blurry memory of simply going into the basement┘.

And waking up in his own bedroom as if it were just a dream that he could barely remember on the edge of his consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Hours passed in a nearly medicated blur, and Matt felt like he was floating, his mind and thoughts embedded in cotton. Numbness spread out across his body, leaving him feeling unreal and almost ghost like. Was there a physical world? Did it really matter if there was? Life without physical being seemed attractive, because it meant he could float here in this nothingness forever and he wouldn't need to ever worry about anything again. No signing papers for mysterious old men who he never saw. No more acting like a parent and telling Ryuk to stop teasing Matsuda. No more listening to the girls play their stupid games. No more strangers waiting outside the house. No more open kitchen doors leading to dark basements…

No more Near.

But why no more Near? That thought had occurred to him, and came with confusion. He couldn't understand that thought. Wasn't Near just a white haired child who lived with them? Why would his mind be so quick to dismiss him as a bad thing? Why was it that when he thought of the door in the kitchen he felt sick, cold and alone.

Even in the nothingness Matt could feel himself frowning, unable to comprehend. There was something there, embedded in the cotton that filled his mind, just out of his reach and hiding from sight. There was some reason why he didn't like that basement room. Some reason why he didn't like Near and why he always froze when the boy appeared in the room. But he couldn't reach it. He couldn't see it. He could barely tell it was there.

Matt tried to move, feeling his body struggle against the thick air around him. No, he wanted to know what that was. He wanted to know why he was so scared, why Near was such a horrible person. After all if Near was so horrible why would he even stay in this place? Couldn't he leave if he wanted to? Matt frowned more and reached with all his might, forcing himself to struggle to that point, trying to reach what he knew was there and just out of sight…

Matt landed with a thump on the floor in his room, sheets and a quilt spilling off the bed on top of him. For a moment the sudden shock of the physical world sent his mind and his stomach spinning, but he recovered before he was forced to race for the bathroom and his stomach remembered that yes, its job was to process the food there, not reject it. After recovering, Matt just groaned and rolled back on the blankets, staring up at the ceiling as he waited for his head and side to stop throbbing.

A soft knock echoed on his door and he briefly remembered hearing it while he was sleeping, maybe in a dream? But he couldn't remember what he'd been dreaming about. In fact, he couldn't remember ever remembering a dream, ever in his life.

"Matt?" It was Sayu, he recognized her voice.

"Just a second." Matt sat up and untangled himself, looking down at himself. He didn't remember putting on jeans last night to sleep in… hadn't he been wearing his other ones? The torn ones? He didn't see them on the floor now and he couldn't even remember what he'd done last afternoon after the groceries. 

"What time is it?" Matt ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to wake up and glanced at the clock, groaning as he found it was a couple hours past midnight. Far far too early to be awake. Sighing he opened his door to find Sayu standing there in a long nightgown that made her look at least ten years younger, especially with it's pastel pink color.

"Matt, there's someone throwing rocks at the windows. I heard it in my room, then he went to another window. He's not breaking anything but.. well, he hit Ryuk's window." The girl gave a helpless shrug and Matt resisted the urge to smile. Ryuk was not the person to wake up in the middle of the night.

"Go back to bed, Sayu, I'll take care of it. " Stepping past her he walked down to the end of the hall where Ryuk's room was.

"… don't you have any respect for people? Don't throw frickin rocks at my window you leather freak!" Matt could hear Ryuk's voice through the door and when he opened it, he wasn't surprised to find Ryuk standing at his own door way in a large t-shirt for some band, a pile of pencils and pennies that he was obviously throwing at whoever was down in the yard below. Matt didn't resist the smile this time and walked over to Ryuk, looking over his shoulder to the yard.

Standing below them, in the large back yard of the house, was the same blond boy he'd seen that day during the groceries run. He was still wearing the same leather pants and a red jacket with a fur lining on the hood. It looked far too hot for the weather, but it seemed to fit him. His sunglasses were gone thanks to the lack of sun, and in his gloved hand he held a few small pebbles that he'd obviously been throwing at the window. As soon as the boy saw Matt he smirked and dropped the pebbles.

"You, you're the one I wanted to talk to. That jerk of a boy wouldn't listen, he just kept throwing things back at me. "

"You're the one who hit my window and woke me up first, asshole!" Ryuk yelled back.

"Least I can aim. You haven't hit me once."

Ryuk growled and turned back to find something heavier to throw. Matt closed the window before he got a chance. 

"Go to bed, Ryuk, I'll go talk to him."

"Go teach him how to be a decent human being, I'm going to bed." Ryuk walked back to his bed, muttering the whole way. Matt just shrugged and closed his door behind him, not able to stop smirking. It wasn't often anymore that someone got a rise out of Ryuk. It was a nice change to see.

Matt walked down the stairs in the large house and unlocked the front door, stepping out into the night air. For a moment he felt cold and realized he'd forgotten his shirt, but then he shrugged it off, finding the blond standing in front of him on the grass, smoking a cigarette. Now that he was in front of him, Matt was able to see more details.

The boy was tall, a little taller then Matt, but much thinner to the point that he was just on the edge of healthy and living. Somehow with his thin figure he was still able to find leather clothing that clung to his body tighter then paint and the only thing that looked too large for him were the combat boots with many belts and ties, looking like they'd fall off at anytime. Matt wondered how someone actually walked in boots like that, but apparently this boy managed it.

"You wanted something?" 

The boy didn't answer for a second, making sure that Matt noticed he was looking him over, then he smirked. "You've got quite a lively roommate. Much more entertaining then that mousey boy from earlier today."

Matt frowned as he noted that the boy avoided the question he'd asked. He ignored the boy's comment and tried another question. "Who are you?"

The boy shrugged. "Just a kid from down the block. I was curious about this place. From all the stuff I've heard there's a couple of you living in here with no parents, adults, guardians, whatever. Just curious."

"At 3 am?" This was ridiculous.

"I'm Mello."

Matt blinked at the name. "Matt. Couldn't you pick a better time to be curious?"

"Naw, didn't want people to get curious about me. Besides, I'm not the type to draw attention to this place, just in case."

Matt supposed that made sense, in a weird way. "Well, I don't know how I can exactly answer your questions. We just live here. If you want to know anything in particular, you're better off talking with Near." Matt motioned for Mello to follow him into the house.

"Naw, that's ok. To tell you the truth, I was curious about the house, but I'm not anymore."

"You're… not?" Matt could barely stop from rolling his eyes and leaving. What was going on with this boy? What the hell?!

"Nope, now I'm just curious about you. Matt."

To that, Matt could do nothing but blink. "Me?" That didn't make any sense. This boy, this Mello, wasn't making any sense at all. He couldn't think of any human who would willingly act so strange like this. And besides, he, himself, was hardly anything to be curious about. He was just normal. Right?

Matt blinked again, opening his mouth to make a comment to Mello. But instead he found the boy already walking away, having lit up another cigarette and already to the sidewalk beyond the entry gate. Matt quickly stepped off the front steps and ran up to the gate, stepping out with one foot, but not quiet leaving.

"Wait a second!"

Mello turned around and smirked. "You're right, it is late. I don't know what I was really thinking. But I'll see you around Matt, pretty easy since now I know where to find you." Then he turned and disappeared down the street.

Matt just stood there for the longest time watching the sidewalk even after he was long out of sight. And when he finally returned back to the house and his bed, he closed his eyes to see Mello smirking at him in his mind. And that, oddly enough, made him smirk too.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

"I'm serious Matsuda, I saw it myself! Matty has a boyfriend and he's a hot leather biker!"

Ryuk's voice filled the house that morning, making Matt stop on the stairs and barely resist the loud groan that nearly escaped his throat. He was lucky he'd heard that while he was out of sight, because now he had a few minutes to come up with some sort of escape plan... if there really could be any when you lived with people like Ryuk.

Ryuk's statement and Matsuda's nervous laughter that followed soon after was really not what Matt needed to hear after the night before. It also didn't help the matter when he heard Naomi and Sayu's voices as well. Was the entire house in there plotting and laughing at him for dealing with the strange blond boy? Ever since the boy, Mello, had left and Matt himself had come back inside, he couldn't get the boy's face out of his mind. He realized it about halfway through the night, that somewhere in his mind he'd seen that face before, but he really couldn't think of any place where that could have been possible. Besides, his mind was so jumbled from before he moved into this house with the others, he wasn't sure if he'd seen the boy on a simple grocery day or before he'd moved.

He'd decided last night that if he didn't remember, then it probably wasn't that important.

Apparently Ryuk had decided that it was hilarious and was to be the subject of the day to talk about.

Matt grabbed an apple from a bowl by the kitchen and tossed it at Ryuk's head as he walked into the living room. Ryuk was sitting in his usual seat, now whining and rubbing his head where the apple hit him, while Matsuda was on the floor and Sayu and Naomi were curled together on the loveseat. As usual the TV was on some random odd cartoon, but the sound was muted.

"What a waste of good food," Ryuk muttered. The thin goth boy rubbed off the skin, then gave an expression near to crying when he saw there were now bruises on the apple. He sighed and ate around them, as if it were a crime of the highest sort.

"So Matt, does he have a name?" Naomi had a very tall and elegant body, with a voice to match. She always kept her appearance and hair in perfect form and even wore business like clothing, even though her and Sayu never really left the house.

"He said it was Mello," Matt took a seat in the remaining plush chair, sinking into the well loved seat.

"Ohhh, sounds like a biker." Sayu giggled and Ryuk nodded enthusiastically with her. Sayu was the polar opposite of Naomi, her lover, wearing cute little skirts, oversized sweaters and pig tails in her long, mousey brown hair. She and Naomi were always attached at the hip, but then that was normal, as Matt remembered they'd come to the house as a couple looking for a place to stay a couple nights and then it just ended up being permanent.

Matt made a face at them all, trying to signal for the subject to change. Ryuk was in the middle of giggling but Matsuda apparently caught it, because he changed the subject at his own expense. "Maybe I should ask you for tips on Misa then."

"You mean that girl? Come off it Matsuda, she really doesn't fit you."

"Ryuk, don't be mean. I think Matsuda and Misa would be cute together." Sayu added to her point by tossing a pillow at Ryuk, which made him rub his nose and mutter not so nice things into what was quickly becoming a core to his apple.

"It's just that I thought, well, that she was sweet and she always smiles at me so nicely when she comes bring the food..." Matsuda trailed off, looking a bit lost.

"Girls like that wouldn't like a guy like you. You've seen her car right? She's obsessed with some singing star, she'd never go for a nerdy little boy like you who can't muster up the courage to even call her and say hi." Ryuk's voice took on an even more mocking tone. "She's not your type Matsuda, just give it up."

"Shut up!" The outburst was completely unlike him, shocking the room into silence. Even Matt sat there in surprise, staring at the normally shy boy who was now standing in front of them, his hands clenched into fists and shaking just a little.

"Oh what are you getting all worked up about-"

"Just shut up Ryuk! I don't care if you think you know more because you watch TV more than the rest of us or play some stupid video game that tells you how to date a girl, but when have you ever been with a girl?! What the hell do you even know about the subject? Don't sit there and tell me that no one wants me, especially if I like them! You have no idea and you're just being a mean, selfish jerk!"

Ryuk stood up, dropping the pillow in his lap to the ground, walking right up to Matsuda. His normally raspy voice took on a sharp bite to it as he took the last bite from his apple and tossed the core to the ground. "Same to you, kid. Don't ever assume you know anything about me. Because you know absolutely nothing. And you are better off that way."

Silence stretched between the two of them, growing solid with tension and occasionally sparking with anger. Sayu bit her lip, looking between the two of them, then slowly moved off the loveseat and picked up the used apple core, depositing it on the table with a trembling hand. The movement seemed to deflate the mood and Ryuk stepped past Matsuda. A single look, that was almost sad in nature, passed between them, before Ryuk was going up the stairs, leaving his prized seat in front of the TV and next to the video game remote empty.

Matt and the others stared after him quietly, then their eyes slid to Matsuda, who stood there, not moving and not making a sound. It took a couple moments before the angry boy in front of them seemed to pop, his anger dropping to the floor as he slid down into his seat and stared quietly after Ryuk. The argument was left in the air and even Sayu and Naomi could tell there was something else behind it. Matt realized, belatedly, that there was something between Ryuk and Matsuda, if nothing else then just the way they acted.

"You should talk to him or something." Sayu beat Matt to the punch, suggesting what appeared to be in the front of all of their minds.

Matsuda simply nodded and quietly left the room.

Matsuda took a deep breath as he climbed up the stairs and stood in front of Ryuk's door. Whatever anger he'd had abandoned him in the living room, and now he felt small and embarrassed that he'd even gotten angry. What was he doing anyway? Rocking the boat in this house was just silly.

Six people living in a single house were bound to have disagreements now and then and something like this shouldn't have bothered him so much... but he couldn't really stop thinking about it. What right did Ryuk have to get upset about him liking Misa? She was just the girl who delivered their groceries. So what if he liked her. Did it really matter that much?

Apparently it mattered to Ryuk. Which was odd. That was the only explanation that Matsuda could think of for the outburst and the argument.

Matsuda took another deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Go away Matt, I'm not in the mood for your little pep talk."

Matsuda smiled a little. Of course Ryuk would think it was Matt. That redhead was forever the peacekeeper of the house. He took care of everything from the food to their arguments, so it was only logical to think that. Matsuda knocked again.

The door opened, "I said- oh. Um... hey."

"Hey."

Ryuk shifted by the door, his eyes moving behind Matsuda looking for anyone else, then settled back on him. "Matt sent you up here to kiss and make up?"

"No, I came up on my own. Well, actually, Sayu suggested it, but I really wanted to come up here and talk to you because I don't like fighting with people and we really shouldn't be fighting..." He trailed off from the rambling, noticing a small smile on Ryuk's face. "What?"

"You're cute when you ramble."

"What?!" Matsuda ducked his head, his cheeks burning. What a horrible thing to say to someone! Here he was trying to apologize and Ryuk was flirting with him!

Wait... Ryuk was...

Matsuda blinked and looked up at Ryuk again, recovering from his embarrassment. "You aren't... doing what I think you're doing are you? I mean that's impossible! Why would you even be interested in someone like me? That's really just a silly idea, isn't it? And I'm being stupid and I'm going to go now." Matsuda turned to quickly leave and get out of the situation┘

But he found Ryuk's hand on his arm.

And a second later he was being pulled back.

Matsuda could only let out a muffled whimper as Ryuk pressed him against the wall and kissed him, closing the door behind them.

(Lemon edited, see profile for mailing list with unedited fics.)

Later that night, Ryuk wasn't to be found in the bed. He had spent time in bed with Matsuda, he wasn't completely heartless, but as soon as he was sure that Matsuda was completely asleep, he was slipping out of bed, grabbing a shirt and moving toward the door. Before he left he snatched the large and worn sketch book out from the dresser and snuck quietly into the hallway, pencil in hand.

Ryuk moved through the silent house, finding his way down stairs before collapsing on the couch. It was the middle of the night, so he didn't worry about make up or stealing some of Sayu's foundation to hide the bags under his eyes. The others didn't realize it - or at least if they did they didn't say anything - but his constant sitting in front of the TV and watching shows was actually when he slept. Other than that...

Ryuk hated sleeping. He didn't quite understand why, he'd just become used to not sleeping at all. And those nights when he did actually wake up in his room, fuzzy headed and feeling like he'd been shoved through a laundry press, he became even more wary of falling asleep and leaving himself unprotected in this place.

Wrapping the throw blanket around himself, he opened the sketch book, slowly turning through the pages and looking at each of the sketches. All were incredibly detailed, with shading and thin pencil lines that smudged across the paper. He could tell that the ones in the front were very old, because some edges were actually smudged out of sight, and as he flipped he refilled in a couple of the lines, making the pictures so they would last through at least a couple more page turns.

People he didn't recognize did significant things, each sketch a piece of his life taken and set to paper with charcoal and pencil.

Ryuk flipped through the pages, watching as odd faces he didn't recognize graced the rooms he was so used to. A girl standing with Sayu and Naomi, laughing with them. Himself, Matt, Matsuda, the grocery girl┘ every part of his life was sketched out, committing his memory to paper. Especially since it didn't seem to work very well lately. As he flipped through the sketches, he was disturbed by the ones that were so detailed, and yet rang no bells in his mind. He couldn't remember most of these people, not even a real hint of memory until the last few pages of the book. That bothered him more than waking up from sleeping and feeling like he'd been sucked dry.

Ryuk breathed a sigh of relief as he turned to pages he remembered. Sayu and Naomi kissing in the hallway, Matsuda making Matt give a rare laugh, and finally the strange blond boy who had thrown rocks at his window. Ryuk turned to a fresh page and began to sketch himself and Matsuda... and the night's activities.

Careful lines, very light at first, gave way to deeper, thicker strokes. They crossed the paper in curves and careful placed smudges, slowly sketching out all that had happened. He pushed every feeling, every thought, every emotion into that pencil sketch, his hand moving furiously across the page. He lost track of time and any fatigue he may have felt, just sketching as if his life depended on it. Finally, at the end, he set the pencil down to look at the sketch, and breathed a small sigh of relief.

He could relax now, because he would never forget that moment. Now the memory was safe.

Ryuk closed the sketchbook and tucked it under the couch cushion, away from prying eyes, then curled up under the throw blanket, looking for the remote... Hadn't he left it on the couch? Right in the corner? And it wasn't on the lamp table either.

The boy sighed, resigning himself to getting up and turning on the TV manually when it suddenly snapped to life, static crackling across the screen, hissing loudly filling the room. Ryuk moved quicker, nearly tripping over the table as he stood up and hit the power button, the TV snapping off. Ryuk frowned softly as he heard the couch cushion shift behind him.

Somehow in the back of his mind he knew who it was behind him. The strange white haired boy, the final person who lived in their house. He was the one Ryuk avoided and never liked, no one seemed to like him, and yet was always there, watching them. Ryuk slowly turned, still frowning at the young boy who now sat on the edge of the couch, swinging his feet in his loose pajama pants.

"You're up late. Aren't you tired?" The young voice was mocking, asking questions that it already knew the answers to.

"Fuck off." Ryuk didn't dare glance at where he'd hidden his sketchbook. Instead he'd retrieve it later. Turning he began to move toward the stairs, but he stopped cold when he found the boy standing on the stairs in front of him, up just enough so that they were the same height. Ryuk shuddered and quickly avoided looking into those inhuman golden eyes.

He took a step back from the stairs, his hand moving to catch the railing, but he misjudged and didn't quite reach it in time, stumbling on his own step. Ryuk winced and stumbled backward, his body hitting the carpeted floor with a thud, numbness spreading through his body like water.

He felt sick, cold and stripped down. He was open, laid out for all to see, all by this strange boy who was now standing over him.

Ryuk couldn't move and his mind fled into a panic. He was going to fall asleep and he suddenly knew this is why he was so scared every night. This boy was why he lived in fear that never let him sleep. This boy was why he sketched every important thing out so it couldn't be forgotten. Ryuk actually whimpered weakly as the boy knelt down in front of him and lightly kissed his forehead.

Ryuk's mind went numb, before the scream for help could even cross his lips.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Feeling  
Author: Snow Tigra  
Fandom: Death Note  
Pairings (expected at this time, this may change): Mello/Matt,  
L/Light, Matt/Near, Mello/Near and possibly more  
Warnings: YAOI, that should be obvious. But this is also an AU story that doesn't follow the events of Death Note.  
Summary: It's the house at the end of the block that's been there forever. It's the house they say teenagers around town disappear into and never come back from. It's the house Matt has been living in for as long as he can remember. It's normal to him. So then why is this annoying blond making him question all he was so sure he believed?

Chapter 4

"Where is it? Where is it?!"

Matsuda stopped at Ryuk's door, surprised to actually find it open while he was inside. Ryuk was usually once of those people who kept his door shut, closing out the world whenever he wanted to be in his room. Matsuda was quite sure, actually, that had there been a door on the TV room, he would have closed that all the time as well. It was just the way Ryuk was about his interactions. Matsuda had asked him once and his answer had been something like "doors let you know who's coming and going."

This morning, the door was wide open and Ryuk was moving around the room in a fury. Drawers hung open, clothes spilling out onto the floor; items on shelves were pushed to the sides; papers were strewn across the floor and bed sheets were tossed near the window. Ryuk himself seemed to be in a panic. His hair was messy, not purposely so for once, and his eyes were wide with an almost fearful look.

Matsuda swallowed and lightly knocked on the door frame. "Ryuk?"

The sound made Ryuk just like a frightened rabbit, his neck snapping and immediately looking up at Matsuda. Matsuda took a step back,  
worried from the frantic look in Ryuk's eyes.

"Umm... is everything ok?"

"It's nothing for you to worry about. Just spring cleaning." The words were sharp, almost harsh in their quickness, and Matsuda felt them go right into his chest.

Matsuda, at that moment, just wanted to turn and run. He'd never, in his life, been the type of person who stayed around for confrontation and people yelling or snapping at him. He liked to hide until things smoothed over, it made his life easier and longer. He was a master of going along with the flow... but lately he found himself changing his overall approach to life, and every time he thought about it,  
Ryuk seemed to be the cause.

The incident yesterday afternoon, with them fighting over a girl?

Normally Matsuda would have just smiled and nodded and gone to talk to Matt about it later, where he couldn't be teased or laughed at. And last night, well, last night was certainly out of character for him. Every time he was around Ryuk lately, he found himself stepping out of his mold. And here he was about to do it again.

Matsuda stepped into the bedroom, taking a deep breath. "It looks like you're looking for something. Did you want some help?"

"I said I was just spring cleaning. Back off! Nosey little brat."

That time Matsuda couldn't help but turn and leave the room. The tone of the first words had hurt, but these... they cut him clean open. Matsuda turned on his heel and bolted down the hallway, down the stairs and to the kitchen, which was the first place he could think of that he knew was empty. Matsuda stumbled and tripped into the kitchen, catching himself on the counter.

His eyes were actually tearing up, and he could feel his face becoming warm and hot. He wanted to die. Why in the world was Ryuk actually acting this way? Hadn't last night meant anything? Weren't people supposed to act differently after they'd slept together? Didn't any of it mean anything? He was acting like last night didn't even happen!

Matsuda angrily wiped away the water in his eyes - he wasn't crying! - and actually hit the counter with his fist. How could he have been so stupid?! He should have known better then to do something like that, with Ryuk of all people. Maybe one of the girls was trust worthy, maybe even Matt, but Ryuk? No, not him. Not ever him!

"Matsuda?"

Matsuda didn't turn around, he just stood there quietly, feeling his anger melt away into defeat. Now he couldn't laugh it off like he did with most of his problems. Someone had seen him upset, so now he'd have to explain. At least it was Matt.

"Hey," he answered softly, wiping away the rest of the moisture from his eyes.

"Did something happen? Is it Ryuk? From last night?"

Of course Matt would figure it out. "Yeah." Matsuda felt himself withering more. Numbly he groped for the chair behind him and dropped into it. He waited for Matt to sit down before he started speaking again. "Last night we slept together."

Apparently being miserable trumped being embarrassed. Matsuda would have laughed had he not been so miserable about the whole situation.

"Oh." Matt's simple expression summed it all up into a single word.

"We slept together, last night, and it was nice and I really liked it, and I thought he did too. But┘ I woke up in the middle of the night last night and he wasn't there, so I checked down by the TV, you know, where he always is. And he was there, sleeping. It was actually kind of cute, so I left him alone. But this morning it was different. He's upset about something, he would barely talk to me, and he snapped at me like he almost always does. But it's like... it's like he doesn't remember at all. Or maybe it was just that bad that he wanted to forget-"

"Matsuda, stop." Matt cut him off with a frown and pulled over a chair next to him, sitting down. "I know that Ryuk isn't the nicest person all the time, but he's not a complete jerk. He wouldn't just forget something like that. That's not like him."

"Go ask him yourself. He probably doesn't even remember my name."

"I'm sure he does. But just in case, I'll go ask him." Matt gave Matsuda a small smile as he stood up and crossed to the wooden bowl by the fridge. Picking up an apple he actually smirked and Matsuda found himself smiling a little. "Are you going to be ok?"

Matsuda nodded, actually feeling better, now that he'd told someone. "I'm going to my room... or something. I think I want to be alone."

"Hey don't forget, it's grocery day. If nothing else, your girlfriend should be here in a couple hours."

"Matt!"

Same old Matsuda, same old blush. Some things never ever change.

* * *

A few minutes later Matt found Ryuk in the living room, rather than his bedroom. He'd checked his room, of course, and instead of the boy he found belongings strewn about in a mess and desperation. When he got to the living room, there wasn't much of a difference. Movies were lying in piles, drawers pulled out, game controllers tossed on a cushion-less couch. Ryuk was flying around the room like a tornado, tossing thing s and swearing softly to himself. Matt could see the desperation in his movements as he searched like his life depended on finding whatever had been lost.

Matt watched him for a few more moments, then actually tossed the apple, hitting him square in the side of the head.

"What the... hell?" Ryuk stopped, watching the apple drop to the floor and roll under the couch. He turned to look at Matt. "What'd you do that for?"

"I've been standing here for a good ten minutes and you didn't even notice. And while I'm mentioning it, Matsuda's been crying in the kitchen for a good fifteen. Now do you have an explanation, or did I lie when I told him you weren't a complete asshole?"

"I'm busy looking for something, so bug off. And how the hell am I supposed to know what he's upset about? He was acting all weird this morning. I'm busy! Why the hell is he bugging me anyway?"

Matt frowned and walked over to Ryuk, pushing him so he'd sit on the couch. "Ryuk, stop for a moment. Just stop and sit down."

"Matt I can't! I need to find it!"

"Ryuk, you slept with him last night!"

Silence slapped across the room and tension rose like a wave crashing over both of them. That time it caught Ryuk and he dropped into the couch, finally stopping his mad search. Angry looks and frantic moods were gone; instead Ryuk had an expression of disbelief and pure defeat.

"That can't be right. I would remember something like that... I couldn't have."

"No Ryuk, you did. That's why he was wondering about you this morning and you flat out knocked him away. Now I know you're usually more disconnected then the rest of us, but that doesn't give you the right to be mean like that."

"I don't remember." Ryuk ran his hands through his hair, practically curling in his seat. "I don't remember. I don't remember." Each time his voice got lighter as he seemed to curl in on himself, almost looking like he was going into shock.

Now it was Matt's turn to be lost. He wasn't really sure what to do, but on top of that, he suddenly didn't like the situation at all. He distinctly remembered moments in his life in this house where he'd lost days, weeks, nights, just time period. He was suddenly as uncomfortable as Ryuk seemed to be. Desperate for something to do to fill the silence and possibly help him fix the situation, he moved off the couch and crouched down, looking for the apple.

"... Ryuk? Um... is this yours?" Matt pulled the old and worn sketchbook out from under the coach, along with apple which had rolled beside it.

The words barely made it out of his mouth before Ryuk snatched away the sketchbook and hugged it to his chest with a grip that could have strangled a large animal. Almost immediately Ryuk seemed to calm down.

"Ryuk, what is going on?"

"I... can we talk? Tonight? Not here, not in the house, but outside?"

"You want to meet in the middle of the night outside in the backyard?"

Ryuk just nodded.

"I suppose. But you better have a good explanation for this. Otherwise, you'll be sporting a couple black eyes to make Matsuda feel better in the morning."

Ryuk just nodded again, speaking softly. "I promise I'll explain. Everything."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Feeling

Author: Snow Tigra

Fandom: Death Note

Pairings: Mello/Matt, L/Light, Matt/Near, Mello/Near, Ryuk/Matsuda, Sayu/Naomi and possibly more

Warnings: YAOI, that should be obvious. But this is also an AU story that doesn't follow the events of Death Note.

Summary: It's the house at the end of the block that's been there forever. It's the house they say teenagers around town disappear into and never come back from. It's the house Matt has been living in for as long as he can remember. It's normal to him. So then why is this annoying blond making him question all he was so sure he believed?

Chapter 5

"Where do you want the cereal? Oh and... damn! You get the good chocolate kind!"

The unfamiliar voice roused Matt out of his deep thoughts a few hours later. True to what he'd told Matsuda, it was indeed grocery day. Still, he had pretty much intended to leave it and let Matsuda take care of the whole thing, while he worried about other people - namely Ryuk. He didn't really feel like carrying bags and chatting with the bubbly blond who dropped everything off┘ but those thoughts were quickly discarded when he heard that unfamiliar voice in the kitchen. Then again, it could just be someone filling in for Misa, it did happen on occasion.

"Umm, up there in that cupboard. That's where they go, right Matsuda?" Misa's voice responding definitely told Matt that this was someone new. He stood up from his place in the living room and crossed the hall toward the kitchen. He was protective by nature, so of course he wanted to know who this extra person was...

He should have known.

Standing in the kitchen, helping Matsuda and Misa put away the various bags of items, was a very familiar blond haired boy. Today he wore the same black leather pants, with the same lace up army boots that had to be too big for his feet. Instead of the vest like last time, he wore a long sleeved, deep red shirt that almost looked black, with a design on it of some strange creature that looked like a mummified bug.

"Mello? What are you doing?"

"Helping." The blond tucked away the box of cereal and shot Matt a wink. That expression definitely meant he wasn't helping. "Hey, I have something for you."

"I didn't ask for anything."

Mello shrugged and wove his way around Misa and Matsuda - who gave Matt a helpless shrug about the boy as he passed - then stepped into the hallway facing Matt. He pulled from his pocket a rectangular piece of plastic that looked beaten and well loved. Matt took the piece as it was handed to him and turned it in his hands.

"Isn't this a... game system?" Matt pressed the button on the edge and flipped the piece open, looking at the old dusty screen. He couldn't imagine this being a gift of any sort, it really looked too old to be functional. Besides, Ryuk had always been the one to play the video games. Matt turned the handheld system over and frowned lightly as he saw a name scratched into the paint on the back. It was jagged writing from the effort, but he was pretty sure it said MailJ.

Was that even a name?

Matt opened his mouth to ask Mello, but stopped when he realized that the whole time, the blond boy had been watching him. The expression in his eyes was almost hopeful, watching his face intently for some secret to jump out between them. Matt frowned and quickly closed the system, handing it back to him. "Umm, it's not mine. And besides, I don't even play these things. I'm not a video game person."

"Really? Huh, I was really sure."

"Sure about what? What in the world made you think I play video games?" What in the world was up with this blond kid?

Mello responded with a shrug, tucking the game system back into his back pocket. "It was just a hunch, usually I'm right about this type of stuff."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

Mello just shrugged once again, not seeming bothered at all. "Well, have fun with your groceries, I guess I'll see you later." Without letting Matt say another word, Mello turned and left the hallway at a fast walk. Matt was actually stunned a bit and followed after him, only to find Mello half way out of the yard when he reached the door. Matt frowned, watching him leave the yard and walk down the street┘

He wanted to know what was up with this strange boy who kept stopping by, but there was no point in chasing after him now.

"All done Matt! Did you want to sign today?"

"Huh? Oh, right. Thanks." Matt took the clipboard from Misa and tried to banish the whole situation with Mello from his mind as he signed the paper.

"You don't need to fill out the other part, if you want us to bring the same things."

"That'll be fine." Matt handed back the clipboard, watching her climb into the van.

"Misa?"

"Hm?"

"About that boy... do you know him?"

"No, I thought he was with you guys."

"No..." Matt trailed off, looking back over toward where Mello disappeared down the road. A moment later he shook his head and shrugged it all off. Turning back to Misa, he gave her an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry about that. I'm usually not this bad, it's just been a long morning."

"No problem. See you guys next week, don't eat all that chocolate by yourself!" Misa giggled and leaned out the truck window. "Bye Matsuda!!" Then she was driving away, disappearing down the street.

Matt smirked and walked back over to the door where Matsuda was now standing, watching Misa drive away.

"So I guess you weren't too depressed about this morning then."

"Matt!" Matsuda's protest came out in a whine and Matt couldn't help but laugh at how cute it sounded.

"Relax. I talked to him. He just needs some time alone for right now and it'll get sorted out. Can you give him a little space until then?"

"I guess..."

Matt smiled. "Thank you Matsuda, I promise I'll help you get it all resolved. Either he's got a good explanation he's giving me tonight, or he'll have a black eye in the morning, I promise."

That seemed to be enough to make Matsuda smile.

Matt spent the rest of his day doing normal, boring things. He helped Matsuda put away what little was left of the groceries, chatted with Sayu while she cooked lunch for everyone, and even frowned in disapproval at Ryuk when he walked by. Later, after lunch, he watched a movie with Sayu and Naomi, watching them curl up against each other while Matsuda sat on the floor, sniffling into a Kleenex over the poor village outcast who was possessed by some animal demon, but still managed to beat everything and get together with the equally lonely and hot outcast from a neighboring village. It all ended like most of Sayu and Naomi's movies, the two lovers finally staying together, no matter what the world had to say about it. Ryuk only wandered by to grab food, then disappeared back up the stairs without a word, so he didn't break the mood at all, not even for Matsuda.

Personally, Matt liked the movies with happy endings.

As night drew closer and freezer pizza boxes were picked clean and tossed into the garbage, the group split on their separate ways. Matt found himself wandering out from tossing away the garbage, only to stop in the hallway and stare. Sitting in front of him, on the hallway table under a tastefully hung mirror, was the tattered and beaten up handheld game system that Mello had asked him about.

How had-

Matt shook his head and actually laughed softly. Of course! When they'd been talking he hadn't put the little machine in his back pocket, he'd slipped it onto the table, leaving it for Matt to find later.

Matt should have known he would pull something like that. It just seemed like something a boy like that would do, though he had no idea why.

Matt picked up the game system and turned it in his hands. Flipping it open, he found the 'on' button which stuck with a soft click as the machine struggled to turn on. When the screen came to life, he could see there were little bits of dirt stuck on the side and a corner where the colors faded into pink and green, showing the screen probably needed to be replaced or repaired. The game on the inside came up with a lively screen, showing a silhouette of a kid holding some sort of large sword shaped like a key, with tarot cards on the bottom of the screen. Matt watched the images for a moment, then hit the power button again and shut it off.

Was there supposed to be something important about this game? Was there something he was supposed to think of or remember? If there was, it wasn't coming to him, and instead he was left wondering what a boy like Mello would even be doing with this type of game or system. He didn't seem like a person to play video games either. He seemed more the┘ hands on type. Not exactly sports, but not staying inside and playing games either. It just didn't fit him. It really didn't fit either of them.

With a small shrug of his shoulders and a soft sound, Matt tucked the game away in his back pocket and grabbed a jacket. It wouldn't be too long before he was supposed to meet Ryuk outside, and he figured he should probably head out to meet him early, so none of the others followed.

"Going somewhere?"

Matt stopped as he heard the familiar soft voice, coming from the stairwell, a shudder and wave of fear passing over him. He didn't need to turn to see the short boy dressed in the white pajamas, he could picture him perfectly in his mind, the way he always leaned against things and grinned just enough to make one nervous.

"I'm taking a walk in the backyard."

Matt did turn after speaking, but he found the stairs empty, without even a creek filling the air from the boy who must have just been there. Matt pushed his hands deeper in his pockets and quickly stepped outside, shutting the door tightly behind him and not looking back.

The backyard was already cloaked in darkness as he made his way across the tall grass, hearing crickets chirping loudly, bidding goodbye to the sun. A quick wind brushed through the trees and a couple birds flew off, heading for midnight rousts before the owls and other predators came out to stop them.

He passed by all of it silently, not really paying much attention or thought to anything. Still, Matt wasn't surprised to find Ryuk already sitting in the farthest corner of the back yard on a well worn tree trunk, left over from a tree that looked like it'd been blown over in a storm, but the roots somehow managed to stay put enough to let it keep growing, even if it was now lying horizontally across the lawn. No wonder Ryuk had made the lawn service promise to never remove it.

"I guess that explains why you fought for this tree so much." Matt pulled his hands from his pockets and sat down next to him on the tree, shifting around a bit until he found a spot that was comfortable.

"I'm surprised you remember that. I just like being away from the house." Ryuk was wearing one of his normal long sleeved shirts and black jeans that made him nearly melt into the darkness. If he hadn't of moved and it was a bit darker, Matt would have easily missed him. Luckily he'd been flipping through pages of his sketchbook, the white pages nearly glowing in the darkness.

"Do you remember Light?"

Matt blinked and shook his head. "You mean, wait... that's a name, isn't it?"

"I think so." Pages turned and Ryuk settled on a sketched page of a boy who dressed flawlessly for his age in a suit jacket and tie, complete with some sort of school crest on the side. "I don't remember him, but I sketched it, a while ago, I think. It's been smudged and repaired a lot."

"You sketched all of these? What are they?"

Ryuk gripped the book a bit tighter, then passed it over to Matt. "My memories."

Matt looked down at the worn sketchbook before him and suddenly began to realize why Ryuk had been looking for the book so frantically. If it contained something like that┘ well, he would have been worried too. He closed the book and slowly started flipping from the beginning, looking at each picture.

The house, sketched out in perfect detail, without the small garden and fountain in the front. The gate was still there, closed tightly, and this was actually sketched from the outside, as if Ryuk had been standing on the street when he did it. But the house wasn't new, it was ill kept, with shutters hanging crocked and a torn up lawn. It looked like a ghost house from a movie, the one that everyone always told you not to go in, but you ventured in that one day anyway...

"I don't remember these pictures, at all. But it's my drawing style, because I know where to fill in the smudged lines. And those little scribbles on the side, it's my handwriting, just in quick words and phrases, it's actually really creepy when you think about it."

Sketches of people, two girls laughing in the kitchen, which used to have large thick curtains that covered the windows and blocked out the view. One girl had shoulder length hair in thick dreadlocks and a couple piercing in her nose. She wore clothes like Ryuk, torn and belted, held together with safety pins that almost make it look like she was clothed more in a fabric skeleton then actual cloth.

"Don't you find it strange that you don't remember things? And I'm not talking about what we ate two hours ago or what movie we watched last night. I mean like when you came here, when Sayu and Naomi came here, or hell, even when Matsuda showed up."

"I remember Sayu and Naomi showed up together," Matt murmured, flipping through more of the pictures.

"But when? You can't answer that can you? Hell, I can't even answer how long ago it was we got that monstrous fountain outside. I remember them putting it in, but it's like there's no time in my head. Doesn't that drive you nuts?"

Matt shrugged and kept turning. He'd never really thought about it.

A sketch of a strange boy, sitting in the living room, on the coffee table. He held a sucker from two fingers, close to dropping it, as he pointed an accusing finger at the other boy sitting on the couch across from him. The other boy was the one Ryuk had called 'Light' and both were smiling like good amused friends in the middle of a joke.

"Who were your parents? Did you have a brother and sister? Did you go to school? Did you ever have a birthday? When did you get here? Here! At this house!"

"I've never left the house."

"That can't be right, you weren't born here! I know you weren't!" Ryuk reached forward and pushed away Matt's hands, quickly flipping ahead in the book to a page back toward the beginning of the book, one Matt had passed. It was of a child, peeking around a corner with a curious look on his face. Behind him was a second boy with shoulder length straight hair and mischievous grin. The first boy was wearing goggles over his eyes and holding a flashlight like it was his lifeline, ready to explore.

"Two kids, so?"

Ryuk stabbed his finger at the corner of the page, smudging a couple of the background lines. "That's you!"

"Ryuk, stop being silly, I haven't been here that long."

"Oh? Then when did you get here, smart ass? When did you get here?!"

Matt opened his mouth but didn't have an answer for that. He couldn't think of it.

"I know when you got here. You got here after Light and that girl with the braids, but before Sayu and Naomi. See? Here's them... this can't be more then a couple years ago, they don't look any different."

"Ryuk..."

"Don't you get it Matt?! We can't remember! None of us can remember things outside this house! We can walk, we can talk, we can be the best fucking friends in the world, but if anyone ever asks us how we met, how we got here or where we even plan on going, we won't ever remember!"

Ryuk grabbed the book completely from Matt and frantically flipped to the end so fast it looked like the pages would rip out. He stopped on the newest sketch, of him and Matsuda in how own bed, naked and kissing, their bodies twisted together.

"I can't fucking remember him! I did this with him and I can't remember a thing about it! I'm not a heartless scumbag like you and him think, I just honestly don't remember a thing!"

"Ryuk stop-"

"You're not listening!!" Ryuk actually tosses the sketchbook, the binding cracking as it hits the grass, a couple of the pages in the middle finally coming loose and sliding just a bit away. "I'm afraid to sleep at night! I don't sleep at night! I sit up and I sketch in the other books and papers all around my room. That's probably the last time I've ever touched my bed, and no matter how tired I am, I can't sleep! Instead I sit in front of the tv, all day long, dozing off quietly and waking up whenever I hear one of you walk by. I'm scared out of my mind, Matt and I don't fucking remember why!!"

"Ryuk! Calm down."

"No, no, I'm lying. I do remember why. You want to know why? I'll fucking show you why!"

In a near rage, Ryuk kicked open the back cover of the book, revealing the last two pages side by side.

Stretched across the back two pages, drawn in angry, hurried lines, in a face. It's a child's face with large wide eyes and curling hair that brushes against his ears and just below his neck. Thin lips, teeth showing in a grin that you would only think to find on an animal's face. The eyes looked hungry, nearly alive, as if he could come off the paper and draw you in.

The worst part wasn't how real or frightening the sketch was, and it certainly was. The worst part was that Matt knew the face. And he knew that grin.

"Near."

"He scares the living shit out of me! I want to run and hide whenever I think about him, but do you know how hard it was for me to step out of that door today? I didn't want to leave. Damnit Matt, he lives in the fucking basement, and I still can't make myself walk past the front door, even if the thought of him makes me want to run and hide. What the hell is wrong with us?! All of us?"

Matt didn't have an answer.

He vividly remembered the fear at the stairs before he'd stepped out, the voice and the person he was sure was watching him. He vividly remembered the door in the kitchen and walking down those stairs... even if he was so scared about the very thought of doing it, he could hardly breathe.

"That kid is keeping us here."

Matt heard the words and his own thoughts confirmed it. In fact, he realized he'd been thinking the same thing for the longest time┘

He'd just never done anything about it.

And he didn't know why.

"I don't want to go back in that house." Ryuk whispered, finally done with his rant, or speech or whatever that had been. The two of them seemed to slip into a silent agreement, because both knelt down on the grass to retrieve the pages, stacking them together and locking them back inside the sketchbook where they were safe. Neither looked up at the house in front of them, nor did they even consider it.

Still, oddly enough, it was only a couple minutes later that both of them were rushing for the house without a second thought. But to be fair, a scream from a second story window will cause people to do crazy, and maybe even stupid things.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Feeling Author: Snow Tigra Fandom: Death Note Pairings (expected at this time, this may change): Mello/Matt, L/Light, Matt/Near, Mello/Near and possibly more Warnings: YAOI, that should be obvious. But this is also an AU story that doesn▓t follow the events of Death Note. Summary: It▓s the house at the end of the block that▓s been there forever. It▓s the house they say teenagers around town disappear into and never come back from. It▓s the house Matt has been living in for as long as he can remember. It▓s normal to him. So then why is this annoying blond making him question all he was so sure he believed?

Chapter 6 The screaming came from Sayu and Naomi▓s room.

It was high pitched, almost painful to listen to, and Matt ran as fast as he could, actually kicking down the door to the room as if he were in a video game, Ryuk following close behind. The room was a storm around him and there really wasn▓t much thought to the process, just a simple stream of actions and reactions. The screaming, the door being kicked down, both him and Ryuk running in, finding Sayu on the bed and Naomi on the floor and that┘ thing in the bed on top of her.

Matt didn▓t think at all when he grabbed the hard wooden jewelry box off the dresser and threw it, nearly point blank, at the white haired boy▓s head.

There was a hard crack, and then the sound of miscellaneous jewelry scattering across the floor. The jewelry bounced on the bed once, then cracked again as it hit the floor, spilling whatever was left inside. Unfortunately the impact didn▓t really affect him, only stunning him for a moment as he sat up. Matt felt a chill creep up his spine as the white haired boy slowly turned only his neck, and looked straight back at him. His eyes were practically glowing and that same grin was plastered across his face, although now it had a hint of a hungry animal, setting his sights on new food.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this movement, Sayu had stopped screaming. She▓d even stopped moving.

Ryuk dove forward, knocking both himself and Near to the floor, but that was about all he could do. The minute the two touched, Ryuk starting convulsing, his eyes going blank and his body shaking as if he▓d grabbed a live electrical wire. Near stood up and stepped away from him, leaving him to curl up on the floor and shiver, much like Naomi was doing.

⌠Ryuk! Damnit-⌠ Matt heard Matsuda▓s voice behind him and quickly moved, blocking the boy with his arm, keeping him from entering the room; his eyes never leaving the slowly approaching animal in front of him.

⌠Matsuda, get out.■

⌠But Ryuk-⌠

⌠Go!■

Matt didn▓t let him argue. He just kept backing up and relaxed only a little when he head Matsuda▓s footsteps retreating down the stairs. His complete attention was on Near as he slowly backed away.

⌠You interrupted me. I▓m still hungry.■ Near▓s voice was the same as always, childlike and almost curious sounding, as if he couldn▓t understand why Matt had attacked him. His head was tilted to one side and he slowly advanced, like a predator on the hunt. Matt knew he was waiting, waiting for Matt to misguess his steps and hit a wall, or tumble down the stairs, or maybe hit a window. Near was waiting for any moment of distraction and then Matt knew he▓d be on the ground with Near on top of him, feeling everything being forcibly pulled away from him. The hungry look in Near▓s eyes made up for any loss of memory Matt might have had: he now knew Near was completely and totally intent on devouring him inside out.

Matt watched Near in fear and found himself no longer backing up. The look in Near▓s eyes scared him far too much for his legs to keep working and somewhere along the line he▓d stopped, and now Near was far too close to him for his comfort. Matt▓s fear grew even more when he realized he could no longer move, the space between them still closing.

Near was closer to him now, practically on top of him and his eyes seemed large, alien like, filled with deep black holes. A sharp, thick pain poked and began expanding in Matt▓s head, the pressure spreading out over his skin and inside him like a poisonous blossoming flower. Matt instantly felt sick, but couldn▓t even move to clutch his stomach.

The pain began small, but expanded quickly, moving through his head and making him feel like an expanding balloon. Maybe Sayu was lucky, at least she got to scream. Matt, instead, was forced to just stand there and stare into Near▓s starving eyes as he felt himself being sucked out. His stomach flipped, and his chest stopped moving, as if a weight were slamming against him, pressing him tightly against a wall. More pressure and it felt like his ears popped, suddenly the world spinning harshly around him and Matt could no longer tell which way was up or down. He couldn▓t breathe and black dots started to fill his vision, the pressure expanding more. The world seemed to stop around him┘

He was drowning. That had to be the feeling. His body seizing up, his mind confused and his body feeling like it was floating yet also able to feel that there was so much pressure that he just couldn▓t do anything-

A loud sound rocketed through his head and a sharp pain shot through the pressure, stabbing him right in the chest.

Suddenly it was all gone.

Matt stumbled forward and hit the ground, hard. The feeling of the worn wood floor impacting with his cheek was comforting, joyous even and Matt was suddenly coughing, air slamming into his lungs and his head feeling like it was exploding as every sense, feeling, sound, smell, tug and push swirled back into him in an instant. Matt barely managed to roll over and throw up in the corner, his body trembling as it tried to readjust to the fact that it was all back.

After a few moments, and the smell of his own vomit made him throw up again, Matt realized there was a voice behind him and someone holding his shoulders so he didn▓t stumble forward into the mess he▓d made on the floor. Said hands shook him a little and Matt closed his eyes, falling back against the warm body behind him.

⌠Matt! Are you ok?■

Matt turned his head, seeing Matsuda in the doorway. Didn▓t he tell him to get away? He tried to find his voice to say the boy▓s name, but it came out scratchy and he coughed, his body still recovering.

⌠He▓s breathing, and his stomach is alive, that▓s for sure. Let▓s get them out of here. Do me a favor and throw a sheet over that piece of shit.■

Matt frowned, searching his foggy mind for the owner of the voice directly behind him. He saw Ryuk crouched in the corner, gently shaking Naomi and Matsuda was dropping a sheet over Near▓s still body. Sayu was on the bed still, not moving, so who┘

⌠Mello?■

He turned around as he asked that, his vision and mind still spinning. His stomach turned with the movement so he quickly closed his eyes and breathed for a moment before opening them again and seeing the blond behind him with the mischievous smile.

⌠How┘ did you get here?■

Mello grinned as he helped Matt to his feet. ⌠I was loitering outside and I heard screaming. We should move you guys to another room.■

⌠Mine is open, and it▓s the farthest down the hall,⌠ Matsuda volunteered.

And that pretty much decided it.

Moving was easier said than done. Matt, himself, was really only able to watch and lean on Mello, as he was lead to Matsuda▓s room and left to sit on the bed, resting and hoping his stomach didn▓t do jumping jacks again. Next came in Sayu, who was laid on the bed behind, with Matsuda. And finally Ryuk managed to stumble into the room with Naomi, both of them leaning on each other enough so that they swayed when they walked. It might have actually been a funny sight, had the situation been different.

After much discussion, the door to Sayu and Naomi▓s room was closed tightly and tied shut, with the help of some thick string and a couple nails in the wall to tie it to. Finally a dresser was moved in front of the door, in an attempt to hide it. Ryuk and Matsuda did most of the work with that one, while Naomi was down stairs calling the doctor▓s number on the fridge, explaining Sayu▓s situation. That left Matt and Mello alone┘ well mostly. Sayu didn▓t really count, since she still wasn▓t moving.

Mello passed a glass of water to Matt, and he happily took it, drinking it slowly and finally ridding himself of the disgusting vomit taste in his mouth.

⌠You▓re such a liar. You weren▓t just wandering by, you were watching the house.■ Matt swallowed more water. ⌠You▓ve been doing it on purpose. Just like you left that game system here on purpose.■

⌠Oh, so you are as smart as I thought.■ Mello leaned against the wall next to him, taking the water and setting it on the dresser, next to Matsuda▓s toy cop alarm clock that he never used. ⌠And here I was beginning to think you actually fell for it.■

⌠Why are you watching us?■

⌠I▓m not watching ▒us▓, I▓m watching ▒you▓.■

Matt glared at Mello, his expression making it very clear he still wanted an answer.

The glare had an effect, because Mello immediately looked away like he▓d been slapped, his normal grin disappearing. Matt had never seen him so serious for, though admittedly he didn▓t have much of a reference point. ⌠You sure you want the answer to that question?■

⌠Why wouldn▓t I?■

"Because you might not want to hear it.■

Matt thought about the game system and the words scratched into it, then thought about Ryuk and the conversation they▓d just had in the backyard. And now Sayu┘

⌠Tell me.■

Mello nodded, sitting down next to him. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out an old, crumbled up photo of two kids looking to be at the height of their mischievous childhood. One had the same short blond hair, straight and evenly cut. One of his teeth was knocked out, leaving a hole in his big smile and a large mud stain on his cheek that looked very permanent considering his demeanor. The other kid was about the same age, with matted, miss-cut and messy red hair, wearing a striped shirt and carrying around the same game system Mello had handed him before. It was still in horrible condition and really didn▓t look like it could play games. Both of them were ready to take over the world with their toy armies and imaginary grenade launchers of mud, rocks water balloons.

Matt vaguely remembered the sketch Ryuk had showed him of the young boy in the broken down house┘

⌠I think I grew up with you. I think- no, I▓m positive you were the kid a few houses down from me. Except your name was Mail Jeeves, not Matt. And you used to always call me Mello, because you said that Mihael was too hard to pronounce and sounded funny.■ Mello spoke softly, a small frown of thought across his face as he tried to explain something he▓d obviously been practicing for years and yet still couldn▓t get out right. His accent was thick for a moment when he said his name and Matt could easily understand how a kid wouldn▓t have wanted to stumble over it with his mouth. ⌠You and I were together all the time, and we made quite a mess around the neighborhood, getting into trouble and everything. We always used to love looking at the old rundown houses that no one lived in anymore. We▓d get a window or a door open and go inside and pretend it was our hide out or something. And we did it here, in this house. Years ago┘ it used to be in really bad shape. But we were playing here and you went in the basement and something went wrong. I┘ don▓t remember a lot of it, but I remember cops and an ambulance┘ and then my parents told me you▓d gone missing the next day.■

Matt frowned and shook his head, as the story turned over in his mind. Nothing, no part of the story rang a bell at all, nothing seemed familiar, and yet all he could do was think about the picture he▓d seen in Ryuk▓s sketchbook. The two kids, with the flashlight and goggles┘

⌠That can▓t be me, it doesn▓t make sense.■

⌠Maybe not┘. But I thought you could at least help me find him. Or something. I mean, you do actually look like him. You don▓t remember from being a kid or anything? I▓m positive you▓re him!■

Matt opened his mouth to protest, to yell back at him, just as much as Mello was yelling at him now, but he had to stop. The more he thought about it, it was just blank. He couldn▓t remember ever being a kid. He couldn▓t remember being much shorter then he was now. He couldn▓t remember all the stuff that the television claimed kids did, like riding a bike, or going to an arcade, or going on family trips┘

Family?

Matt shuddered, his mind feeling horribly blank. No mother, no father, no brothers or sisters. He couldn▓t remember houses, yards, relatives, car trips, plane flights, family holidays┘ nothing. Ryuk▓s rant in the backyard felt stronger, more alive than before and he suddenly wished he had something like the sketchbook to latch onto- something tangible to hold that would reassure him everything was ok. Oddly enough, he found himself clutching the small game system like his life depended on it.

⌠Matt! He▓s here!■

Matt looked up at Matsuda▓s voice, to see him and Naomi stepping back into the room with Ryuk and an older man whom he vaguely remembered. The man was tall, old, but not ancient. He wore a bowlers hat that matched his black suit and a neat grey mustache crossed his upper lip as he took off the hat and nodded his head to Matt and Mello before stepping over toward Sayu.

⌠Who▓s the fossil?■ Mello asked as both of them moved off the bed to give him room.

⌠He▓s our doctor. We▓re supposed to call him if anything happens. He▓ll take care of her.■

⌠Weird, I haven▓t heard of doctors who make house calls for a long time. Normally you call 911 and an ambulance shows up. Isn▓t that a little weird-⌠

⌠Shhh!■ Ryuk was actually the one who shushed Mello, giving him a severe look as the three of them backed out of the room, leaving the others in there with Sayu and the doctor. Once they were in the hallway, that was another story, because then Ryuk started yelling in a hushed voice. ⌠What are you, an idiot?! If you think something is weird, you don▓t say it in front of that something!■

⌠Oh look, the goth does have a brain.■ Mello grinned back at Ryuk before his face went back into his serious expression, watching the door down the hall with the dresser pressed against it. ⌠Ok, so who is that ▒thing▓? Or do none of you know the geezer?■

Matt spoke up. ⌠He▓s just our doctor. I guess, now that you mention it, I do remember seeing people calling that number on tv shows, but we▓ve never used it.■

⌠It▓d be too troublesome for us to call someone random,■ Ryuk muttered, watching the door to Sayu▓s room with Mello.

⌠Obviously. Ok, let▓s try this: What in the world was that white haired┘. thing?!■

⌠Near.■ Ryuk said the word like it explained everything and to Matt and Ryuk it did. Mello just ended up frowning more, looking lost.

⌠He▓s┘ Near. There isn▓t really┘ He▓s always been here, with us. I think he lives in the basement┘ or something.■ Matt found himself frowning too as he tried to grasp at words. He was more aware, now, that whenever the question of Near came into the picture his mind had trouble grasping things. Thoughts became slippery, and that couldn▓t be a coincidence. ⌠Ryuk, can I have your sketchbook?■ ⌠Why?■

⌠I need to show him something. Please?■

Ryuk hesitated, then finally nodded and passed him the sketchbook, watching it like it was his first born. Matt, holding it carefully, opened it to the sketch he was thinking of, then showed it to Mello.

⌠This┘ was me, wasn▓t it?■ 


End file.
